No More Emotions
by Marcella Jole' Mercilee
Summary: With no explanation besides a brief and emotionless note, Ludwig leaves Feliciano heartbroken. Feli can barely move on with his life. He is cold... broken... he doesn't even eat pasta anymore. He's miserable... until he finds Ludwig at Romano's wedding.
1. An Emotionless Shell

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia!

Feli was currently kneeling in the street, the pouring rain drenching him to the bone and hiding his drunken tears effectively. He just stared up at the sky, his arms at his sides as his broken heart attempted to fix itself. His sobs became more violent as time went on until he was screaming at the sky.

"Why! Why, please, God, why? I thought you loved me? If you loved me, why did you take him? Please, give him back, Oh my God, please… Please!" He curled over his knees, rocking and crying, just repeating the same words over and over again, in Italian.

Romano and Antonio watched from under their café's awning. "Tonio… what's wrong?"

"Ludwig broke his heart… that is what a broken heart looks like, Lovi…" He pulled the Italian twin close to his chest, his eyes never leaving the heart broken boy in the street. Romano turned his gaze back to his twin, his eyes round and pained. His poor twin…

Ludwig and Feli had been dating for 8 months. Ludwig was a stern, harsh man, but nobody ever doubted his love for the Italian. And Feliciano, in turn, gave the German man all of the love he was capable of possessing. He kissed him and hugged him and made food for him and his entire being lived only to please his lover.

Abruptly, that morning, Feli had found a note on their bed. Small, simple:

_Dear Feliciano,_

_I won't be back. It's best if you move on. Live without me. You deserve better. _

_-Ludwig_

Eventually, Antonio managed to break away from his fiancé to pick Feliciano up in his arms and carry them into their apartment. Romano helped him from there. Removing his wet clothes and drying him off. He put warm pajamas on him and tucked him into bed, leaving him alone to mourn.

Feli's eyes were wide and empty. His face devoid of color or life as his breath came in shallow gasps. His fingers clutched the sopping note, refusing to let go. The last remnant of Ludwig he had left. Except for the cross. The cross that Ludwig had always worn. The cross that Ludwig had given to Feliciano on their 6 month anniversary. The cross that the heartbroken Italian still wore.

Feliciano slowly turned his face towards the window, watching the rain hit the glass until his shaking body fell into a fitful sleep…

* * *

Feli barely managed to start living again. He dropped out of the prestigious art school he had been attending… He quit his job and sold his apartment, moving in with Antonio and Romano. The couple had given him a job as a waiter at their café, which slowly proved to be a failure seeing as Feli could just not be happy. So, they had him working in the back.

Feliciano moved and went through life an empty shell, devoid of emotions and devoid of the happiness that he had once been filled with. He barely slept, he didn't talk much anymore, and he hadn't had a bite of the precious pasta that he had so adored. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Soon, his one year anniversary of being single came and went, and his heart still couldn't fix itself. And with Romano and Antonio's wedding rapidly approaching, how could he? He was reminded everyday of how alone he was…

"Couldn't you be happy for one fucking day, Feli? Just one day! That mother fucking potato bastard is gone and out of your life and he isn't coming back. End of story, so forget about him. Move on, God, you fucking piss me off!" Romano's face was the brightest shade of red that Antonio had ever seen. And Feli was just staring into the distance, like he didn't even hear Romano.

"Lovi-"

"Don't you 'Lovi' me! It's been over a year! He needs to move on with his fuckin' life!" Romano stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Antonio sighed and moved to put a hand on his brother-in-law's shoulder.

"Take as much time as you need, Feli…" The Italian looked up at him, his eyes devoid of hope as he nodded slowly and murmured a quiet thank you before standing and leaving. Antonio sighed and looked out the window. Even though the sun was shining, it felt like there was a nice personal rain cloud that hung over their apartment building.

One week later, Feli and Lovi were dressed in their finest suits. Lovi was obviously nervous, pacing and mumbling in Italian. Feli just stood there, gazing sadly at a stained glass window. If anyone were to look at him, they would never be able to hazard a guess at what he was thinking about unless they also looked at the stained glass window.

It was a picture of an angel in long flowing robes and a large wing span. But Feli wasn't looking at his body. His eyes were trained on the angel's face. The angel's short blonde hair hung around his ears like a halo and his blue eyes seemed to stare back at Feli with the same intensity the Italian gave it.

The organ began it's almost mournful cry and Lovi gave a small yelp. His breath came in short pants and he ignored his brother, his heart beating loudly in his ears.

When a slender and delicate hand folded inside of his, he turned, his eyes growing to the size of large meatballs. Feli looked at him tenderly, his eyes betraying nothing. "Time to go, brother…" He smiled painfully, the only amount of emotion he had shown his brother in over a year.

Romano pulled Feliciano into a tight, rib-breaking hug. "Grazie, Feli…" He pulled away and smiled back at his brother, before they linked arms and pushed open the intricate double doors and entered the huge Italian Cathedral. Feli looked around with blank eyes, his expression once again void of any emotions. He didn't look at the people or notice how his brother's face seemed to glow when he saw Antonio at the altar, smiling brightly and looking more handsome than he had ever seen him. He didn't notice the large amount of Italians and Spaniards that had filled the entire back pews of the Cathedral. He just walked slowly, his eyes going from stained glass window to stained glass window.

His steady and hesitant steps were the only thing keeping Romano in tempo with the organ music. Gradually, they made it to the front few pews. These were packed with the nations, all standing and smiling at the new couple. Feli didn't look at them either; his attention was focused on the vice like grip that was vaguely hurting his right arm. So he didn't see the blue eyes that stared desperately at him, begging him to turn and see him.

Ludwig hadn't wanted to come to the wedding… Ivan had made him. Ivan had made him do many things he really didn't want to do… but he had no choice. Ivan gave him no choices. And this… seeing Feli so pale and lifeless… this hurt more than anything. His fists gripped the pew in front of him tightly, his heart breaking for a second time. That's when he noticed Feli was going to sit right next to him…

Feli kissed his brother's cheek gently before handing him off to Antonio. His gaze immediately shot to the ground as he turned around and walked carefully to his seat. He didn't look up, didn't meet anyone's eyes. He sat down quietly, his hands clasped in his lap, his eyes staring at his shoes.

Ludwig's heart rate picked up. He couldn't focus on the service with the love of his life so close… He glanced at Ivan, who had fallen asleep. Or was he just pretending? He couldn't risk saying anything to his little Italian… to his warm, beautiful, funny, happy, loving- He pulled a pen and paper out of his pocket and jotted some words down, sliding it under Feli's hands.

The Italian stared at the paper blankly for a moment. He didn't bother to look up at who gave it to him. It wasn't important. He read the words carefully, not really comprehending until he read it a second time:

_Feli-_

_Need to talk to you. Meet me after the ceremony. It's important. Please._

_-Ludwig_

But it wasn't until Feli reread the name a third, fourth, and fifth time that he realized who was sitting next to him. He looked up slowly, his entire body shaking, his face still void of any emotion. Blue eyes met amber and he felt his heart beating faster than it had in the longest amount of time. His Ludwig…

Ludwig stared desperately at Feli, begging him silently to say yes. He needed to explain. He had to let the Italian know that he still loved him… that he had never wanted to leave. That he didn't have a choice…

Weak and unsure of what was happening, Italy found himself nodding slowly and numbly, his body shaking violently. He only had time to see Ludwig's relieved face before Romano had snatched him out of his seat. The ceremony was over. He looked back as blue met amber one last time as he was dragged down the aisle by the two newly weds.

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I hope you enjoyed it. This was an idea I came up with while RPing with a friend. R&R, if so inclined.


	2. A Challenge is Offered

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia!

A/N: toolazytologin: I hope you like the reasoning behind Ludwig's departure. Lilacrose6: ...Uh, yes? Wind-Up Charmer: You're close. ~.^ Rawr: Aw, don't cry!

I know this is a bit shorter than the first chapter, but it's got a lot more content to it. So just bear with me, alright? Fantastic. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy...

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Feli was in shock. He had seen his Ludwig and then been abruptly taken from him, all in the matter of five minutes… he had no idea how he was supposed to feel. But his heart was beating about ten times too fast and his eyes felt like they would never blink again they were so wide. He ignored Antonio and Romano's love sick chatter, his mind on the image of two deep blue orbs that seemed to haunt him… His Germany…

When the limo finally pulled up at the reception area, Feli couldn't help but run from the limo and inside. Romano looked anxiously after his brother. "What's the matter with him?"

Antonio shrugged. "Maybe he has to go to the bathroom…"

Once inside, Feliciano noticed painfully that they were the first "guests" to arrive. He wandered the large ballroom aimlessly, unsure of what to do now. As the smiling nations started to enter, his eyes darted hopefully from one blonde to the next. America, England, France, Switzerland… where was his blonde haired nation?

He hid himself next to a large tree. Maybe he had been a hallucination. His broken heart had hurt his brain so badly that he had envisioned the one man he had wanted to see sitting next to him. That must have been it.

He spotted Russia from across the room. He sat at a table, surrounded by chittering Italian girls. He was terrifying, but in a sexy kind of way, Feli supposed. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned.

Ludwig stood before him, most definitely not a figment of his imagination. His hair was slicked back as usual, his eyes were deep and blue, his lips so full and beautiful… he was here. Feli was tongue tied.

Ludwig stared at the Italian for a moment before silently pulling him into the nearest supply closet. He didn't know how long he could keep from not talking to his sweet little love. He flicked the light on and just stared. It had been so long…

Feli couldn't not speak anymore. When he opened his mouth, his voice came out in a hoarse whisper, "Ludwig… why?"

Ludwig's heart broke more, if it was possible. He opened his mouth to talk, but Feliciano cut him off.

"Why did you leave me alone? I thought you loved me? You said you wouldn't leave me?" His voice grew stronger as he grew angrier and more upset. "I trusted you!"

"Feli, please, let me explain…" He stood with his normal military precision, but it seemed almost crooked. He seemed broken… not whole… Feli didn't understand, so he just nodded.

Ludwig took a deep breath before starting. "My brother, Gilbert, was under control by Russia. I thought he was safer there…. But I was wrong. Ivan was abusing Prussia. Beating him. Raping him. I couldn't keep it like that anymore. But the only way Russia would let my brother go… is if there was a trade."

Ludwig looked away, stared at the wall next to him as Russia's words vibrated in his mind. He looked weak… defeated… That is not how Feli wanted to remember him. Ever.

"A… a trade?" Feli's soft voice broke the silence and Ludwig met his eyes again.

"A nation for a nation. That was what Ivan wanted. So I gave myself to him… to save my brother…" Ludwig's voice cracked. He couldn't continue… So Feli finished for him.

"You left me… to save your brother…" Ludwig just nodded, guilt spread across his face. He had been tortured and beaten for over a year, but it was worse… because he was so far from his beloved little Italian.

Feliciano almost started to cry, but instead just threw himself on the German, holding him tightly around the waist to hide his pain. "Oh, mio povero amante... I've missed you so much."

Ludwig pulled Feli close to his chest, closing his eyes and reveling in the warmth the young nation was able to bring him. "Mein liebling..."

They stood like that, holding each other and comforting each other, for a long time. Neither caring that there was a party occuring on the other side of the thin door. Neither caring that at any moment, Russia could smash open the thin door and break the reunited lovers apart. Neither caring that at the end of the celebration, they would be seperated again.

Ludwig reached a tentative hand between them and lifted Feli's face up gently. "I love you... I have always loved you, Feli..." It felt so feminine to say it, but he had gone a year with it trapped inside his mind... he had to make sure Feliciano knew.

"I love you, too, Ludwig." Suddenly Feli's face grew serious, calculating. He released Ludwig, still thinking. "I love you." He pushed the door behind him open and stormed across the ballroom, straight towards Ivan's table.

Ludwig looked after him, his eyes wide with fear.

Feliciano slammed his fist down on the table, his eyes set. He knew what he wanted and dammit, he wanted it now. The intimidating nation looked up from the girl on his lap to stare at the Italian natio. "Is there something you need, comerade?"

And with his voice, the entire ballroom fell silent, their eyes falling on the small, determined nation of Italy, and the large, scary nation of Russia.

"I need the love of my life back." He pulled his glove out of his pocket and threw it in on the table in front of Ivan. "The way our ancestors used to do it. A knight's duel. First fatal blow wins." He stared Ivan down, daring him to take the challenge. Russia stared calmly back, thinking.

"What, my I ask, does the winner recieve, comrade?"

"Germany." And with that simple answer, Ivan picked Feliciano's glove up off the table, accepting the challenge.

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R&R, if so inclined. ^.^


	3. A Little Help from the Samurai

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

A/N: Lord Gracie: Your wish is my command. I shall update right now. And no, the humor was not intentional. I apologize that I was unable to convey the severity of a personality change that Feli went through because Ludwig left him. I hope you see it more in this chapter. Yami'sGuardian: Heh, you'll have to wait and see, dearest. xxassassinxx18: Lol, I love Ivan. I also love making Ivan the bad guy. Lilac Rose6: Stop reviewing, you live in the same house as me. You can talk to me anytime you feel the need to. Red: I'm glad you enjoy it. Cherrytreeintherain: Your review made me laugh so hard! Please keep reviewing me funny things, I love it when my readers have a sense of humor.

All of you lovely little readers now get the intense pleasure of this chapter. I was very much stuck on where to go, so I had my dear frienda nd editor, Lightbendor (look up some of her work, it's fantastic) RP some of the chapter so I could get back on track. For those of you who don't know, RP is short for role playing. It's fun, try it sometime. Now on with the show...

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Feli drove quietly, his face set and serious. He had a week until the duel… a week to get ready. A swordfight. A knight's swordfight to the death. That was what his challenge was and if he wanted to get his Ludwig back, he had to kill the nation of Russia.

The end of the reception had been a blur. Romano had got the party back on track, most of everyone besides the nations becoming whimsical and fun-loving again. Feli had sat at an empty table, his weak body collapsing in his chair. His eyes wandered aimlessly, searching, undoubtedly, for Ludwig. He closed his eyes. He was so tired… he only wanted to rest for a moment. That was all…

Suddenly, he felt himself lifted out of his chair, into strong arms. Comfortable arms. His eyes fluttered open and he saw Ludwig's face floating above him, like the angel from the cathedral. He relaxed, letting the German take him wherever he pleased.

They ended up in the basement, where a couch conveniently sat for Ludwig to set Feli down on. He never said a word, just knelt beside the couch and stroked the brown hair tentatively. Feli's hand rose to circle around his wrist gently, wanting to touch Ludwig somehow.

"Ti amo…" Feli's whisper seemed to breach a gap that had sprung between the two lovers and in a moment, Ludwig's lips were on his and the Italian was clinging to the German's neck for dear life. He never wanted this moment to end. He wanted to be held and touched and loved and didn't want Ludwig to have to leave with that monster. Feli let his lips wander down Ludwig's neck gently, sensually, encouraged by the small manly moan he heard above him.

"I'll save you, Ludwig… I'll save you."

And now Feli was driving towards his best friend's house, praying that the samurai warrior could help him get ready for this duel. Kiku was known for his quiet and shy ways, but he was one of the most skilled swordsmen in the world.

Kiku had been sitting out on his porch meditating when he heard the car approach. He opened his eyes. Feli's car? Why would Feli be here? Feli knew sword fighting, there was nothing Kiku could teach him now.

Feli turned his car off and got out gracefully, loosening his bowtie as he did so. He was still dressed in his tuxedo, seeing as he had come straight from the wedding. He looked onto the porch and, seeing Kiku in meditation, waited patiently, not wanting to disturb his friend.

Kiku finished meditating, and stood, bowing respectfully to Feli. "Feliciano-san, ohayo."

Feli bowed slightly, his body still unused to the strange and foreign gesture of respect. "Good evening..." He felt so strange... mature... Like he had an overwhelming amount of responsibility on his shoulders. "I hope I didn't interrupt."

"You did not, Feliciano-san. Would you like to come in? I can make tea." Feli bowed. It must be serious, what ever was on his mind. Feli followed his best friend quietly, his eyes respectfully downcast before he spoke.

"I didn't see you at the wedding..." Why was his heart beating so quickly?

"I know. I sent my well wishes to Antonio-san and Lovino-san. Today marks the memorial of Hiroshima. It is a day of remembrance."

Feli nodded in understanding. He had remembered that fatal day... He had helped Kiku fix himself. He had wrapped him in band- Not important right now. "I need your help, Kiku-senpai." He walked to the window, looking out at the peaceful landscape.

Kiku nodded. "May I ask with what?"

"I... I assume you've already heard from Arthur about my challenge..."

Kiku nodded. "Arthur called me. How can I help? You are already a master swordsman."

Feli thought for a moment. "Ivan is brute strength... That's how he has gone undefeated for so long... I need strategy." He looked over at Kiku steadily. "I need an expert strategist."

Kiku leaned against the railing, looking at the landscape. He thought it over. He knew how Ivan fought. He had fought Ivan before. He had just barely won then, and now Ivan was stronger. But, he couldn't not help Feli. Not after hearing why. "I will try to help as much as I can, Feliciano-san."

Feli stared at him for a moment longer before looking back out at the trees. "Thank you..." He nodded once. He knew why he was different. He had something to work for. Someone to save. "Thank you."

"Do not thank me yet," Kiku warned. "Wait until after. I am not saying that victory is assured. I will help you to the best of my abilities. I can only hope that it is enough." He turned to Feliciano. "Let's not wait. Let's start."

Feli slipped his suit jacket off gratefully. "We have a week. Torture me, Kiku." He would succeed. He would be victorious. He would save his Ludwig, if it was the last thing he ever did.

* * *

The day of the duel. All of the nation's had gathered at the arena. It was the same arena that King Arthur had built when he reigned over his kingdom, and it was the same arena that had been used by the nations for centuries. The same arena that Ivan and Feliciano were going to battle in.

One half of the benches surrounding the lowered battlefield was filled with loud Italians, all screaming their encouragements and love for their nation. On the other side, the Russians sat, quieter and politely showing their support through the use of banners and golf claps.

Feli stood in his tent, staring straight forward. He wore no armor, none was necessary. It would only slow him down, anyway. He had worked from sunrise to sunset all week, falling into bed exhausted at the end of each day. He never gave up. He couldn't, not with Ludwig's life at stake.

"It is almost time, Feliciano-san." Kiku's quiet voice startled Feli. He whipped around, his eyes wide, his heart beating faster than it should as his brain worked to comprehend what the Asian man was telling him. He nodded slowly, his eyes drifting to the grass beneath him. It was time.

He looked back up as Kiku held an unfamiliar sword out to him. They made eye contact for a moment before Feli took the handle in his right hand. This was a sword much older than even Feliciano was. It had belonged to many owners, but its previous owner had been Germany. His lover. His Ludwig.

Feli looked up and down Excalibur's length with approving eyes. The sword had been passed from nation to nation ever since King Arthur's death. Feliciano had never been allowed to keep the ancient sword safe… but today, he would use it again. Use it for the good it had been created for.

"Thank you, Kiku…" And with one final look, Feli exited the tent, every muscle tensed and ready for battle.

* * *

R&R if so inclined...


	4. Russia Never Plays Fair

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

A/N: Yami's Guardian: The sword was never meant for a mortal's hands. Arthur (the nation) created Excalibur, therefore giving it magical properties. When he was stupid enough to give it to a mortal, the other nations were furious with him. Once King Arthur had died, the nations decided the best way to keep it safe was to pass it from one nation to the next, a never ending cycle of owners. Lady Gracie: I love cliffhangers, darling. Why else would you stay with me? And yes, Kiku is a samurai. The exact reason why Feli needed him so badly. He wasn't good with strategy, whereas a samurai warrior is the expert at strategic swordfighting. Yazuki Ookami: Thank you for your kindness. I do hope you don't dislike me too terribly much after you finish this chapter.

This took me a while to write because I hate killing characters. *Evil smirk* Enjoy, my lovelies...

* * *

Feli walked with slow and certain steps towards the battle grounds. He passed bright colored tents and Italians wishing him luck and the best. But he heard nothing… he saw nothing but the entrance in front of him. He could hear his heart beating in his chest, he could feel the weight of Excalibur in his hands, and he could feel the cold metal of Ludwig's cross bouncing on his chest.

He entered the battle arena much too soon for his brain to comprehend. He looked around, immediately spotting the nations in the place of royalty. It was a rainbow of emotions: fear, anxiety, smug confidence… He caught his brother's eye. His twin looked on the verge of tears. He nodded once, to show he was fine before looking for his opponent.

On the opposite side of the field, Ivan stood with his arms stretched out so that Ludwig could run around him frantically and attach his armor in the right places. His fist tightened around Excalibur and he looked away. Ivan treated Ludwig like a slave instead of the strong nation that he was… He would save his Ludwig. He would.

He walked over to his bench slowly, tuning out the screaming and cheers of the crowd. He pulled his shirt over his head, letting it fall onto the bench. The only thing he was left wearing were his pants, his boots, and Ludwig's cross.

He turned to walk to his starting position, Excalibur firmly in his right hand. He could do this. He could do this. Ivan suddenly met his eyes from across the battle arena and smiled demonically, as though he knew he was going to win. Feliciano stared him down, the adrenaline in his body starting to pump into his blood, his heart beating faster and his breath coming in short gasps.

Not many people had seen the warrior that Northern Italy could be. He was small. And he was fast. And he was brutal.

Suddenly, he heard a voice break through his reverie. "Feliciano must be disqualified!"

Feli looked up at Austria steadily, not reacting in the slightest. Romano stood quickly. "Only Ivan can bring charges against the opponent once he's in the battle arena!"

"Feliciano is not the current owner of Excalibur, therefore, he is illegally in possession of the sword and must be disqualified from the match." Austria crossed his arms over his chest, huffing.

Romano was about to argue back when Ivan put a hand up to silence him. "I do not mind if my comrade uses the Magik Sword… so long as I am allowed to use this." He reached a hand out and Ludwig managed to place a huge sword into the upturned palm.

It was at least 4 feet long and half a foot wide. One swipe could cut Feli in half easily… But he only nodded, consenting the use of such a dangerous weapon. He watched Ludwig from the corner of his eye as the blonde shook his head in fear. He would save him. He would protect him…

He stared steadily at Ivan, waiting for the moment when Ivan would step forward, right in front of him… He worked hard at tuning everything and everyone else out again. His breath steady and even. He nodded once and raised Excalibur into the air, speaking loudly and clearly, "For the Holy Roman Empire, I fight today."

This caused a stir amongst all of the nations. It caused all of the Italians to go silent and the Russians to hiss. Ivan shoved Ludwig to the side and walked in front of Feli, his entire body tensed and ready. But Feli didn't back down, didn't run screaming like many nations before him had.

"You will regret that, comrade." He reached forward to stroke the smaller nation's cheek gently. "Because if you lose… I will crush your precious Holy Roman Empire." He smirked and stepped back once, pulling his helmet over his face.

Feliciano put Excalibur forward for the ceremonious clash of the swords, signifying the start of the battle. But Russia never plays fair, does he? He stabbed towards the Italian, who dodged at the last moment. The battle had begun.

Feli gritted his teeth and spun around Ivan and lunged at him with Excalibur. His muscles felt supple and ready for action. His heart beat in his ears and his chest louder than it should. Ivan swirled around to block at the last minute, causing Feli to roll underneath the crushing blow. He stood, now fully ready for any attack Ivan might send his way.

Ivan spun and began to deal blow after blow, leaving Feli only one option: to go on the defense and block every attack. His eyes searched for an opportunity. A weak area to strike at. His new set of samurai eyes were able to pick out the places that he could strike, but Ivan's guard was good. He barely left these places undefended.

Abruptly, Feliciano turned and ran in the opposite direction before spinning back around to face the amused Russian. "Running from me, comrade?" Feli paid him no mind, tuning out the laughing Russians behind him. He raised Excalibur threateningly, challenging the hulking nation to charge.

Which he did, gladly. Once Russia was three feet away, Feli jumped over him, bringing Excalibur crashing onto the knight's helmet. He landed gracefully and turned around quickly, prepared to deflect a blow. But Ivan was stumbling forwards, struggling to pull the helmet off.

When he finally succeeded, he roared and whipped around to face the Italian. His eyes were livid, almost red with fury. His entire body shook at the thought that someone had tricked him. Feli kept his face serious, not letting his opponent see any emotion. Ivan ran forward, attacking faster and harder than he had before. Feli leapt and dove to avoid the attacks, blocking with Excalibur only when absolutely necessary.

Finally, he spotted it. His opportunity. He stabbed blindly, Excalibur slicing through Ivan's skin. Feliciano pulled the sword out and dropped it triumphantly. His ears slowly began to function properly again as he looked down on the Russian's defeated and broken body. He heard the cries of outrage from the Russians and the screams and cheers of proud Italians. He turned to look at Ludwig, prepared to smile for the first time in a year, when he heard, "Brother, look out!"

He spun too slowly. Ivan had stabbed him clean through with Excalibur. His world seemed to stop. All he could see were Ivan's laughing eyes and the blood running down the pale cheeks. All he could hear was his Ludwig calling his name. All he could feel was a mind numbing pain spreading through his abdomen…

He stumbled backwards and fell to his knees, coughing and sputtering. His fingers curled around Excalibur's blade as though he meant to pull it out of his own body. He looked up at Ivan in shock… Russia never played fair.

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I hope you all don't hate me too terribly... R&R if so inclined... *graceful bow*


	5. Missing in Action

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

A/N: Yami's Guardian: Ask yourself, can an author kill off their favorite character? If the answer is yes, then, I'm sorry, Feli is dead. APH- Indonesia: You are forgiven. If you want some good feelings about Ivan, I wrote a one shot of him and Alfred. AlTHR33: Ha, you'll notice that Feli had gotten the fatal blow in before Ivan stabbed him... LynnyLiz: No, darling, that is not the end. I would never leave my lovely readers with a cliffhanger like that forever, no matter how cruel I am. Yazuki Ookami: Thank you very much, but it's really my sister who has the writing talent in the family. Check out some of her stuff, she's LilacRose6. Lord Gracie: Thank you for being the first of my reviewers to pick out the very reason I'm "good" at writing. I pay attention to the details, and fight scenes are definately my favorite. And I'm glad you see humor in an otherwise pretty depressing story. Vanillamonkey: Pardon, but what does the word crackiest even mean? Lilac Rose6: Threats are un-necessary. Stop reviewing. Antoinette: Don't worry, I hate bad endings.

Now my lovely little readers, I know you are all anxiously waiting to see if Feli is dead or not... So I shan't keep you from the next chapter. Enjoy...

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A few days later, Kiku stood on his balcony, gripping the railing with white knuckles and staring out at the trees in front of him. Arthur had never seen him looking so upset… so lost… It frightened him slightly.

It took a lot to shake Kiku's calm, but the events of the past few days had done just that. He could scarcely believe what Ivan had done. Arthur couldn't leave Kiku now, after his little boyfriend's nerves had taken such a beating. He had stayed with the Asian, just trying to keep his sadness at bay for as long as possible. He now looked at Kiku carefully. "Dear?"

Kiku took a minute to collect his thoughts, before speaking quietly. "I thought I knew Ivan. But, I never thought he was capable of this."

"Nor did I..." He came up behind Kiku and held his waist gently. "It's over now... many are still grieving, but it was a victory for our poor, brave Italian."

"Victory? Victory?" Kiku turned to look at Arthur. "Perhaps that was what could be called victory, but it was tainted, not honorable. It cannot be called a victory, not after all that's happened."

Arthur spoke as gently as possible, "Ludwig is not under Russia's control anymore, is he?"

Kiku sighed, looking away from Arthur. "I assume as much, but I have not seen him since the aftermath of the match."

"If he is safe... as was Feli's intentions, then it was a victory, Kiku..." He looked at him softly. He understood his pain. Feliciano and he were best friends...

"I should probably go check on him." He leaned up to gently kiss Arthur. "See if you cannot contact Prussia-san? Perhaps he knows where Ludwig-san is." Arthur gave a lazy military salute and pulled his phone out as he watched Kiku leave. He prayed that Feli woke up soon... He hated seeing his boyfriend in such a mess.

* * *

Upstairs, Feli's eyes shot open like he had been stabbed a second time. He sat up and hissed, his hands gripping at his healing wound. He looked around for an invisible opponent, confused. Kiku entered the room, eyes falling on the figure on the bed.

"Feliciano-san, please...lie back down. You're still healing."

Feli's panicking eyes rested on Kiku's face and he attempted to get out of the bed. "I lost, didn't I? I lost and Ludwig's still in Russia? I lost."

Kiku grabbed Feli's shoulder. "No. You did not lose. Please relax or I will not tell you what happened."

"Where's Ludwig? Kiku, where is he?" His hand was still pressed against the place where Ivan had stabbed him. He could still see the eyes in his mind...

"Feliciano. Calm down." Kiku said it harshly, with no room for argument. He didn't want to risk Feli getting hurt more. He understood his desperation, but it was bad for his health. "We have not managed to locate Ludwig-san. He said he had things that had to be sorted out before coming here."

Feli sat back on the bed, panting and trying to keep his brain thinking straight, which was difficult to do. "He's… alright?" When Kiku nodded, he felt his entire body relax some. His side didn't seem to hurt as much. The only thing that seemed to register in his mind was that he had won. That he and Ludwig wouldn't have to be away from each other anymore. They could be together again…

"Gil hasn't seen his brother…" Feliciano jumped at Arthur's voice and looked at him blankly, not really comprehending what he was saying. Kiku frowned at Arthur.

"That's strange. You would think if he didn't want to be with Feli, he would want to see Gilbert… after all, they haven't seen each other since the end of WWII…" Feliciano stood, wincing and looked from Kiku to Arthur. He walked to his dresser and picked his phone up. He had been unconscious for five days…

"He's been missing for five days?" He turned to look at Kiku, who was now stalking towards him.

"Not missing, just…" He took Feliciano's shoulder, gently forcing him back to his bed. "Misplaced. I'm sure Ivan wouldn't do any-" He stopped his sentence. He wasn't so sure about that anymore. After he had watched the Russian kneel and stab Feliciano with Excalibur, he had no idea what Ivan would or wouldn't do…

"Two days, Feli. Give him two days. If he doesn't show up, will send a search party out." Arthur's brain was obviously working better than Kiku's, who nodded to show his thanks. "So until then, rest. Get your strength back. I don't think anyone's taken a blow that bad since Alfred during his Civil War…" He helped Kiku settle the Italian back in his bed before leaving.

Kiku sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the far wall. "I am sure he will be coming soon, Feli."

Feliciano stared at the ceiling, unable to answer. He had taken a sword straight through his body, an attack that would have killed any normal human, and yet his prize was missing… When the nation managed to get his vocal chords working again, he managed to rasp out, "Thank you, Kiku-senpai."

The Asian looked at his best friend and nodded once. He left the Italian to his sleep, closing the door gently behind him. But Feliciano Vargas couldn't sleep. He stared out the window at the moon, thinking of a German, a stained glass window, and violent purple eyes.

* * *

R&R, if so inclined...


	6. The House in Berlin

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

A/N: LynnyLiz: I have a particular attachment to this story... I can't give it up too easily. AlTHR33: My philosophy: A nation cannot kill a nation. A nation is dead when the natives of said country stop referring to themselves as that nationality. Therefore, the only way Russia would die in any of my stories, is if the people of Russia stopped calling themselves Russians. (KikuxArthur is one of my favorite pairings.) Keiko Sahara: I might not seem it through my stern responses to my lovelies, but I also act a lot like Feliciano. I thought it was about time we stopped being the damsel in distress, si? Thank you for your praise, my dear. And... well, you're prediction is spot on. Yazuki Ookami: One of my faithfuls. It wasn't a surprise to find your review. Thank you for being oh so loyal. Again, you might hate me when this chapter is over and done with. But please continue reading. You and Lord Gracie have made me keep writing this tale... Lilac Rose6: When you wake up tonight soaking wet, yes, I did dump a bucket of cold water over your face.

This chapter is one of my prides... I worked very hard on it. And I just needed to make sure that every detail of the house was made clear to my lovelies. Oh, my, was that a spoiler? Oh, I'm alright. Nothing but a teaser. Enjoy...

* * *

Two days came and went, almost as quickly as Kiku could swing his blade. Feli could walk fairly well without getting dizzy anymore. His side still hurt badly and he wasn't very hungry, but he could walk. Which meant he could walk to the balcony and stare out at the trees. Where was Ludwig? Why hadn't he come back?

Feli heard the grandfather clock in the hall strike midnight in the quiet Asian house and he nodded silently. Two days. He had wanted two days. He was ready now. Feliciano turned and pulled a button-up shirt on, leaving the top two buttons open so that he could easily fiddle with Ludwig's cross that sat around his neck.

He looked around his room carefully. He didn't need much… A coat, his passport, his wallet… that's all he planned on taking. His eyes fell on Excalibur, hanging on the wall above his bed. Kiku had cleaned it of the mixed blood for him… but he didn't want it.

He walked swiftly from the room and down the stairs. He needed to find Ludwig. He'd call Kiku when he was on the plane. He closed the front door behind him as quietly as possible, looking up at the dark house. He sighed and started walking towards his car as he pushed his arms through the sleeves. He slipped into the driver's seat contentedly, a determined look on his face.

"Did you really think you could give a ninja the slip?" Feliciano jumped about a mile. He looked into the passenger seat, where Kiku was smiling conspiratorially. A bang and a small "Ow!" in the backseat alerted him to Arthur's presence. He sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose.

"Kiku…"

"Dammit, pirates are never quiet and need to be drunk if they're woken before 7!" Arthur grumbled in the backseat, heard but yet to be seen.

"Then go back into the house. I can do this alone." Feli stared out the windshield in irritation.

"We just watched and heard you limp and stumble to your car. Do you really think you can save Ludwig-san in your condition-"

"I can and I will!" Feli turned on his best friend, the warrior in his eyes. "He is my lover and I will find him, wherever he is. Because even if he had three arrows in his back and was drugged, he would find me!" His breath was labored and he was on the verge of tears.

Kiku held a hand up silently. "You didn't let me finish…"

Feli's lips were a think line he held them together so tightly.

Kiku smiled. "What I was going to say was do you really think you can save Ludwig-san in your condition… without some help?"

Feli sat back, relaxing. They weren't trying to stop him… He looked and laughed hysterically. His laughs quickly reducing to tears. He could put as tough a front as he wanted, but inside, he was still submissive, weak Italy. And now he cried. He cried for his brother and himself. He cried for all of Russia's poor satellites. But mostly, he cried for his Ludwig. For the love of his Ludwig and for the want and the need that he felt.

Kiku awkwardly rubbed Feli's back, trying to hide his discomfort at such a breach of personal space. Arthur just grinned in the back, humming softly as he pulled his hat over his eyes.

Finally, the little half nation was able to pull himself together, steeling himself. He took a shaky breath in and put his hands on the steering wheel. "Let's go."

The drive seemed fast, as did the airport. Before long, they were flying over Europe, straight towards Germany. Kiku fell asleep on Arthur's shoulder, the blonde and black hair mixing together. Feli couldn't sleep though. He couldn't…

He spent the entire trip staring out the window at the clouds, unable to get the purple eyes out of his mind. They were burned into his mind, burned into the back of his eyelids… He finally sighed, pulling the shade down. He looked around, trying to get his mind off of everything…

When they finally landed in Berlin, Feli was tensed and ready to pounce, like a tiger. He was jittery as he waited in the slow airport lines and he barely suppressed his growls as the pace annoyed him more and more.

They were finally outside and Feli looked around at the snow and the cold. Where to begin?

"Let's try his house, Feli. Maybe he's trying to get everything back together?" Arthur's words broke through the air and Feliciano could do nothing but nod. He pulled his coat off and gave it to his friends.

"Get a cab. I need to run." And without waiting for a response, he began running to the house that stood on the outskirts of Berlin. As he ran, he felt the memory of the purple eyes disappearing, slipping from his fatigued mind. He pushed himself harder, his heart beating faster and his legs feeling so strong beneath him. He ran through the streets of Berlin, ignoring the bewildered expressions around him. He felt free… for the first time in so long.

It took him almost half n hour, but he beat Arthur and Kiku to the house. Feli's fingers reached up to fiddle with the cross around his neck as his breathing tried to slow. He was home…

His feet seemed so much heavier now as he stared at the old house. It didn't look like anyone was inside… but he missed it so much. He had to see… had to look again. He climbed the front steps, his neck craning to see everything again. The tall posts that held the elegant porch up. The old rocking chair he had made for Ludwig, still in the corner, now rocking in the wind. He reached the door and looked at it nervously. His fingers played with the cross, trying to comfort his rapidly beating heart.

He took a deep breath and reached out, opening the door slowly. The beautiful, Victorian house was just the way he remembered, if not a bit dustier. The walls were still lined with bookshelves. The stairs curved the same way. The large painting he had painted of Berlin still hung on the wall. He climbed the stairs and touched it gently, remembering every brush stroke he had made. He dropped his hand, looking around. Ludwig was not here.

He sat on the top step, defeated. He didn't have long to wait before Arthur and Kiku walked in the front door, looking around in shock. "Never thought I'd see this place dusty…" Arthur chuckled, running a finger across the books.

"He's not here?" Kiku's eyes had a hope that Feli couldn't name.

"No…" Feli stood, looking down the hallway towards their bedroom. "No… I don't think so." He walked slowly, giving Arthur and Kiku enough time to catch up. He stopped outside the door, his fingers running across the paintings of the two of them together…

Kiku gently reached forward and turned the doorknob, pushing it open. He was careful not to make too much noise. Feli's silence was affecting all of them…

Feli made it seem like Kiku had done nothing, walking forward like there had never been a door in front of them. The large four poster bed still stood where it had before, its curtains drawn. Feli walked as though in a dream… he had avoided this place for over a year. It felt strange to be back here again…

His fingers pulled the curtains back slowly, his brain working even slower. As he stared down at the bed, Kiku watched his eyebrows furrow together in confusion before he disappeared before the curtain. When he straightened, he had an envelope in his hands.

Kiku stepped forward as the envelope was hastily ripped open and thrown to the ground. "Feli…?" He watched Feliciano's expression turn slowly darker. He looked like he was going to kill something…. Or someone. His hands slowly, satisfyingly crush the paper in his hands.

Feli growled low, his entire body shaking. He looked up at his friends before saying slowly and quietly, "Russia has him."

* * *

R&R, if so inclined, my lovelies...


	7. Prayers of the Desperate

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

A/N: Kitty's Muse: What would Ludwig do for Feli? If you can answer that confidently, then you'll know exactly what Italy is going to do. LynnyLiz: Then tell me, friend, how is it supposed to work? A story without a few twists and turns isn't any fun. Yazuki Ookami: Your kindness continues to make me smile. Thank you very much. Again, I hope this cliffhanger doesn't upset you too much, my lovely. Keiko Sahara: You surprised me. To know of someone else who sees that are many sides of Feliciano Vargas and not that he's just an innocent, crazy, pasta loving bunny, lightens my heart. And thank you... I pride myself on the description of their house. I felt it was important to show my lovelies how much Feliciano loved it.

Well, my dears, I left you with a pretty big cliffhanger last chapter. I am truly sorry to tell you that I left you with an even bigger one this time. Enjoy...

* * *

_ Feli growled low, his entire body shaking. He looked up at his friends before saying slowly and quietly, "Russia has him."_

Kiku took a tentative step forward. "We'll get him back, Feli…" The Italian turned and threw the crumpled piece of paper to the ground. He walked swiftly to the window, gripping the window ledge with all his strength. All he wanted was to hold Ludwig again. To hold him and love him and let him know that he was there. He breathed deeply, trying to get his anger in check. This was the side of him that no one ever saw…

Arthur took Kiku's hand gently and pulled him out of the room. When Kiku fought, Arthur just whispered, "Let the lad have a minute to himself, love…" He closed the door softly, leaving Feliciano alone.

The Italian didn't move for a while. He just stood and stared out at their Berlin and tried to get his breathing under control. Tried to control his temper.

Finally, he moved away, looking around the room. His easel still stood in the corner… Paintbrushes and closed paint jars lined in a row. Ludwig's bookshelf was erected, filled to the brim with all of his novels…

Feliciano had his apartment in Italy, of course. But they had spent more time together here than in Venice… His brain told him he was Italian, but his heart told him his home was in Berlin. He let out a shaky breath and sat on the edge of their bed. His fingers fiddled with the cross again.

He looked at the red comforter beneath him, remembering how long it had taken them to pick it out. He looked up at the black pillows, remembering the heated kisses that had happened there…

After a moment of staring, he fell off of the bed and onto his knees, his hand clutching the cross for all he was worth. "Oh God, why won't you let me have him? Why do you keep taking him?" He looked around desperately, as though he would just appear. "Please… I can't live without him anymore. I can't go back to… that shell… that I was living as… God, can't you see? Romano may be my twin… but Ludwig is my other half…"

He stared at the ceiling, hoping that some answer would come to him. Some reason why his God was keeping him and Ludwig apart. "I know… I know it is a sin, but, God, please… I cannot live without him…" He bowed his head and allowed the tears to crash over him again.

His shoulders shook with his sobs. He cried and sobbed and yelled, just needing to let his frustration and need sweep over him. He yelled at his God and he cried for his God's help, and he questioned everything he had been taught.

When he was finally able to pull himself together, he stood, stony faced and determined. He walked to the door and pulled it open. Arthur and Kiku looked up at him, concerned. "Feli…?" Kiku stepped forward.

"We're going to Russia."

* * *

Feliciano slept the entire plane ride, only after saying good bye to Berlin. He would miss it, but he was determined to return. He had taken his time walking through the streets, touching anything he could. He talked German with the people, the language sliding off his tongue as though he had spoken it every day for the past year.

When they landed in Moscow, Feli was groggy, half asleep. But he was ready. Ready to kill Ivan. If only he had brought Excalibur with him…

Kiku stood on one side of the Italian and Arthur on the other. They were there to hold Feli back or push him out of the way, which ever happened first. Kiku got them a taxi, him being the only one of them able to speak Russian.

Feli stayed quiet the entire cab ride, staring out at the falling snow. Arthur couldn't venture a guess as to what the poor boy was thinking…

Feli felt the household before he saw it. He felt colder and a shiver ran up his spine, like he had just been terrified out of his mind. When they stepped out of the cab and looked up at the intimidating castle, Kiku could have sworn he saw a bat fly through the air towards them. He grabbed Arthur's arm in fear.

But Feliciano began the long walk up to the double doors, every step he took clear and defined. He knew what he wanted and dammit he wanted it now. Arthur and Kiku had never seen him move so fast before… they had to run to keep up with the Italian. Ludwig would be proud to know that his training sessions paid off.

When Feli reached the double doors, he had no fear. He knocked on the doors loudly, waiting. Waiting for the moment when Ivan would open the doors and he could punch his face in.

The door opened slowly and a frightened looking Latvia peeked around into the entrance. Kiku and Arthur both breathed an audible sigh of relief. But Feli looked as stern and determined as ever. "Where's Ivan?"

Latvia squeaked under the frightening gaze. "H-h-he's in his o-o-office… M-maybe you c-c-could wait here… in the st-study. He's busy." Feli pushed passed him and looked around.

"Which one is his office?" He softened his voice, not really wanting to frighten the poor nation. It wasn't his choice to be locked in this terrifying castle with such a cruel master.

Latvia merely pointed, realizing quickly that there was no way to stop the enraged Italian. Arthur and Kiku ran after Feliciano. "Feli, wait, we have to be rational."

"Kiku's right, if we just go bursting in there, he could hurt Ludwig."

Feli ignored them, marching quickly down the hall that Latvia had indicated. "Feliciano-san!" Feli moved faster, his eyes trained on the door in front of him. It seemed an eternity before he reached them, his arms pushing it open with all the force he could muster. He looked around wildly, his eyes finally landing on Ivan, who was behind his desk, not even looking up to see the intruder.

"Well, don't just stand there, comrades. Come in." His voice was light, as though he had not taken the love of Feliciano's life. The Italian was silent as he walked in, not taking his eyes off of Ivan.

Arthur and Kiku followed, looking around nervously. After a few minutes, Ivan sighed and looked up at his unexpected visitors. "I suppose you have come for your prize, yes?"

Feliciano gave a single curt nod. "Very vell, you may have him."

Feli started. What? Ivan was going to give him up that easily? Something was up… he had done something. Feli's suspicion rose in his chest but he stayed silent. Ivan stood and unhooked some keys from his belt, a small smile on his lips. "Come with me, comrades…"

He left the office, the three friends in tow. Kiku and Arthur looked at the paintings and suits of armor in awe and fear. Feli stared at the back of Ivan's head, trying to figure out why he was able to just have Ludwig without so much as a backwards glance.

Ivan led them to a large staircase. "Be careful, comrades, it is slippery sometimes." He walked down swiftly though, not allowing the other nations to be cautious at all, as though he dared them to slip and break their necks. As they descended, it got even colder, until Feliciano was positive that it was below zero degrees.

They reached a door at the bottom of the stairs and Ivan clanked through his keys. "Oh, vhich one is it… I can never- Ah. Here it is." He stared into Feli's eyes and held up a large metal key for him to see, as though taunting the Italian with it. And then he looked slowly at the keyhole, inserting the key and turning. Feli heard a faint click before the door was pushed open. His hand fluttered to his cross and he gasped, his eyes widening at the sight before him.

* * *

R&R, if so inclined, my lovelies...


	8. Found and Lost

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

A/N: Kitty's Muse: Yes, my dear, it is Feli's mother in law. CherryTreeInTheRain: Good guess. OreoPandas: Please read the response I gave last chapter to AlTHR33. Knight the Cat: My dear, I thank you for your dedication to my story. I am very proud of that line... No idea where it came from to be honest. LynnyLiz: It is a tad worse than just a cell, my lovely... (and I do enjoy how you called me an authoress.) Yazuki Ookami: Battle? Yes. Epic? Not so much. And how else do you think I keep all you lovelies coming back to read my story if I didn't put cliffhangers up? They're my little trap to keep you coming back for more. AlTHR33: We must remember, Ivan has the Baltic nations doing his bidding. Although he is a strong nation, Ivan + Three other nations are much stronger. (I think Latvia is adorable.) Maksou: Your wish is my command...

I hope you all enjoyed the brief break I have so thoughtfully given you to think over the pleasant cliffhanger I left you with. I received so many reviews and I just couldn't help myself... I just took my time getting this chapter completed. So now that I have tortured you thoroughly enough, please, enjoy...

* * *

_And then he looked slowly at the keyhole, inserting the key and turning. Feli heard a faint click before the door was pushed open. His hand fluttered to his cross and he gasped, his eyes widening at the sight before him._

Feli felt his breath hitch in his throat as he stepped forward slowly. Kiku's hand rose to his lips in shock and Arthur pulled him into his chest, disbelieving. The room was small, due to the hundreds of torture devices lining the wall and corners of the room. It was so cold, Feli could see the breath that Ludwig managed to hack out of his lungs.

Ludwig lay on the stone floor, spread eagle, his blonde hair a mess. He had no shirt on, and his eyes were closed. An ever growing puddle of blood was surrounding him, staining his hair and pale skin red. His chest and arms was littered with bleeding whiplashes, some old, most new…

Feliciano could do nothing but stare at his fallen angel… Was his God telling him something? Tears bubbled to the surface and his hand fell away from the cross as he stared at his love. "Ludwig…"

At the sound of his name, the German's eyes fluttered open, first in fear. He tried to sit up, tried to run away. But he couldn't. His face twisted in pain as he collapsed back into the blood, his body shaking from the pain. Feli's anger flared and his hands clenched into fists. He heard footsteps echoing in the room and felt Ivan behind him. He growled low, so low he doubted Ivan could even hear it.

"You see… I told you I vould crush him if you lost… vhat I failed to tell you… vas that I vould crush him if you von, too." Ivan's laugh was cold and bordering on hysterical. Feli closed his eyes, as though he were trying to control his anger. He thought of Ludwig, he thought of Romano, he thought of Antonio, he thought of himself. He thought of his God.

His eyes opened quickly, the brown eyes seeming to burn red in his bloody reflection. With a yell, he had Ivan against a wall, beating his face, his neck, his chest. Anywhere he could reach. He cried and yelled in an odd combination of Italian and German, his fists flying faster than anything he had ever seen before.

Ludwig looked up at the source of the noise. "Feli…?" He tried to pull himself towards the Italian, his body screaming at him to stop moving. Everything hurt. But Feliciano was here. Feliciano was here… "Feli…" His blue eyes struggled to stay open, struggled to stay in focus as he stared at the warrior.

Feliciano barely heard Kiku's cries for him to stop until Arthur was pulling him off the bleeding Russian. Ivan was looking down, so Feliciano couldn't see his eyes, but he just kept yelling and crying. Everything seemed so much slower than it actually was. What happened in a matter of seconds seemed to last hours…

Finally, the Italian was reduced to nothing but a shaking ball of energy in the older nation's arms. His breath was coming far too quickly and his heart was racing… Finally, in English, he managed to spit out, "Touch him again, you commie bastard, and I'll kill you for real!"

Again, he felt the violent purple eyes glare at him in anger. But this time, he was upright and didn't have his own blade sticking out of his gut. This time, he was stronger, he was the victor. Ivan straightened, the red on the white skin making a frightening contrast. The Russian said nothing, just glared at the Italian.

Kiku finally stopped shaking enough to run across the room and kneel next to a quickly fading Ludwig. "Germany-san? Germany-sa- Ludwig?" He looked up desperately at Arthur. "We need to get him to a hospital." Arthur nodded.

"Take Feli, I'll get him." He handed the still enraged Italian to Kiku, pulling off his jacket and wrapping it around the injured nation's chest. "C'mon, you're safe now." He picked him up with a grunt. Damn, he had a lot of muscle.

Feli fought against the arms that held him, just dying to bruise the light porcelain skin he saw. But the arms were stronger than he and managed to pull him back up the stairs, away from the violent purple eyes that had been haunting him.

He yelled out again, his voice bouncing off the stone walls menacingly. "Feliciano-san, please keep moving. We have to help Ludwig-san!" His name seemed to jolt the warrior out of his body. He shook himself from Kiku's arms and ran to catch up with Arthur.

"Ludwig, Ludwig!" He jumped up the steps next to the sprinting Englishman, his eyes wide and concerned. Blue eyes opened groggily to look at him. Feli barely comprehended that Kiku was talking rapid Japanese into his cell phone as he rushed to keep up with his friends.

"Feliciano…" His voice was barely above a whisper, his voice rougher and more strained than the Italian has ever heard it. But he was alive.

"Si, si, it's me." He couldn't pull his eyes away, causing him to repeatedly stumble and trip up the slippery steps. His hands couldn't find purchase as he raced next to Arthur, his heart beating quickly at the sight of Ludwig's broken figure.

The trio managed to get him to a taxi in the road in front of the frightening castle. Feli looked over his shoulder briefly, hoping he would never see the castle again, before he clambered into the back of the yellow car. Kiku was speaking Russian to the driver and Arthur was scrambling through a first aid kit.

Feli moved Ludwig so that the yellow and red hair was in his lap. He stroked the soft face with his fingers, trying to comfort and sooth. He sang a song in German under his breath, one the blonde had sung to him when he was sick:

_Beenden Sie__weinen__, Liebling._

_Es__werden alle__bald besser__werden__. _

_Ihre__Wunden__heilen__und__deine_

_Augen__öffnet__und__hier__werde ich__bleiben__,_

_hier__neben dir__, __immer__mehr_.

Feli's voice was sure and strong as the taxi drove on. Arthur wrapped temporary bandages around Ludwig and Kiku spoke soft soothing words to the two lovers, but neither heard. Ludwig was too desperately clinging to the sound of Feli's voice, trying to stay awake, and Feli was completely absorbed in Ludwig's eyes and face and lips and chest and neck.

Their eyes connected in a moment of clarity and Feli's voice wavered. He continued singing, leaning closer to Ludwig's face. To his eyes. To his lips...

Kiku wrenched the back door open, causing Feli to look up in shock. "The plane will only hold Arthur and Ludwig. Arthur needs to be there to do some temporary bandaging on Ludwig-san." Kiku was breathless and looked from Feli to Arthur, desperate. Feli nodded his consent.

Once more, blue eyes met amber, a connection of love, of desperation, and of hope... Before Arthur had pulled Ludwig into a fireman's hold and started sprinting towards the small plane with Ludwig. Feli got out of the taxi and watched the plane leave, his heart filling with pain again.

* * *

R&R, if so inclined...


	9. A Long Awaited Reunion

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

A/N: Kitty's Muse: I am the biggest Tease you will ever meet and I hold this title proudly. I must say though, I am a disappointment of a tease in this chapter, though I am fairly sure all of my lovelies will be ecstatic. AlTHR33: Well, this is the last chapter and then an epilogue. Yazuki Ookami: Thank you for being oh so faithful, my dear. Please enjoy the reunion. Lord Gracie: I have missed you, my friend. I was worried that you had grown bored of my tale and just left me without even a note. But I'm glad you have returned and are reading once again. OneWhoNeverStopsCrying: I am glad my writing was able to give you a rainbow of emotions, friend. Everything will come together with time. Knight the Cat: I never meant to inspire hate for Ivan. I merely meant to show another side of him and Feliciano. But you may choose what you feel is correct. I am flattered that my abilities were able to reduce your friend to tears, but please urge her to read until this chapter. I'm sure she will be happier after reading this. FearDaKitteh: You must understand all points of the story, dearest. Ivan took Feli's love from him. Of course Feli wants to hurt him.

Enjoy...

* * *

Feliciano Vargas was not a happy Italian. Kiku could tell. The way he sat in his airplane seat, the way he stared blankly out the window, one hand under his chin, one hand curled in a fist on his knee. Not. A happy. Italian. The Asian sighed and looked down the aisle. He could understand his friend's pain. But they had been flying for an hour and a half and he hadn't changed positions once! Kiku had been so used to the fidgety wandering Italian of his past that Feliciano had lost…

The Italian in question was thinking only about Ludwig. They were en route to Germany, where the injured man and Arthur had flown only the day before. Apparently, he would be alright. Wouldn't even need to stay over night in the hospital. He would just be sore for a while.

Feli heard Kiku behind him, talking kindly to the flight attendant. He ignored them, attempting to watch the clouds roll by. It was too dark to see much of anything really… He felt different. Changed. Like he wasn't the Feliciano that Ludwig remembered. That worried him…"Feliciano-san?"

Feli jumped, startled out of his reverie. He looked with wide eyes at his best friend, almost confused. Kiku smiled, "We'll be landing in about twenty minutes. I thought you might like to know."

Feli before Ivan would have hugged Kiku breathless, blabbering on in random bursts of Italian. But now, he just nodded and gave a weak smile, turning carefully back to his thoughts. It worried him… Ludwig had fallen in love with a happy, boisterous Italian who loved everything around him. And Feliciano was no longer that person…

When they landed in Berlin, the two quickly got their luggage and hailed the first taxi they saw. Feli was so happy to be home… He gripped the driver's seat tightly, looking around. He seemed so calm, but inside, his everything was about to explode! He was home again, near the people he loved and with the sights he remembered and the sounds that were familiar to him.

The drive to his house seemed far too slow… But there it was again. Their Victorian house. It seemed brighter this time, if that was possible. Whiter. Cleaner. He barely waited for the car to stop moving before he was sprinting up the porch steps and in through the tall front door. "Ludwig?" His voice echoed in the large room.

He ran up the stairs, looking up hopefully. His heart was racing, almost like he was the old Feli again. "Ludwig?" He ran down the hallway, hesitating outside their bedroom. There was a light shining from underneath the door. He was suddenly nervous, wary. What if he didn't love Feli anymore?

Before he could think of running away, Arthur opened the door with a smile. "Come on in. He's anxious to see you…"

Feli smiled and raced in, looking around. It was light. Like he remembered it… clean. His eyes found the figure sitting up in their bed. The clean, strong, beautiful features of his memory… His Ludwig.

Ludwig sat there, eyes open and smiling wider than either imagined possible. They just stared, neither capable of forming any words or noises until Ludwig managed to make his vocal chords work again. His voice was low and husky, sweet… "Feliciano."

Feli ran to the bed and practically jumped into the German's arms, smiling as Ludwig laughed. He buried his face in Ludwig's chest, hiding his tears of joy as they held each other. He was so warm and he felt so strong… Feli lost himself in the scent of musk and gunpowder, unable to control his emotions.

He looked up at Ludwig, smiling for the first time in so long… They sat like that for hours. No words were passed between the two lovers. They simply held each other, often sighing in contentment, sometimes shifting to get more comfortable. The sun sank beneath the Berlin skyline and Arthur managed to convince a yawning Kiku to go to bed.

They were alone. Completely alone in their room for the first time in over a year. Feli sat up, straddling Ludwig's thighs, careful not to touch any of the bruises or cuts that littered Ludwig's body. His fingers ran across his chest as gently as possible, memorizing the new terrain. When he looked back up, Ludwig's eyes were closed and his head was tilted back.

Feli leaned up carefully and laid light kisses down his throat, careful not to push to hard against Ludwig's torso. Ludwig gently raised his hands to stroke Feli's hair. "I thought...he would kill me."

Feli sat up to look into his eyes, suddenly much more serious than he had been seconds before. "I wouldn't have let him."

Ludwig cupped Feli's face in one hand, running his thumb over Feli's lips. "Thank you."

Feli raised a hand and rested it over Ludwig's, still stern. He closed his eyes and pulled his head back, trying to break out of warrior Feliciano. No, he was with Ludwig. He had to be happy...

Ludwig studied Feli's face. "Don't hide. I want to see you."

Feli opened his eyes, hoping he wasn't too visibly upset. "I don't want you to see me..." His voice was so quiet... so different than what Ludwig would remember. He looked down between them.

"Look at me. Please. Those eyes of yours...they kept me sane." Ludwig didn't feel like the same person. He was broken. He was damaged. Would Feli even want him once he learned of the extent of the damage?

Feli slowly raised his eyes back up to Ludwig's face. He bit his tongue to hide a sob and worked hard to keep from jerking away. From walking to the other side of the room until he was able to recapture the old Feli…

Ludwig hugged Feli. "It's okay."

"No it's not!" He wrenched himself from Ludwig's grip, hiding his face in his hands. "I'm… different! I'm changed. I'm mean and I'm broken and… and… god, I almost killed Ivan. Twice!"

Ludwig grabbed Feli's face so he could look into his eyes. "Liebling, I still love you. I love you more, if that's even possible."

Feli couldn't see a trace of a lie in Ludwig's face. "How?"

"How could I not? You are the good in my life, the reason that I can look myself in the mirror despite my past. And now...you fought for me even after I left you without an explanation." Ludwig was trying to make Feli understand just how much Feli mattered to him.

"I'm a monster!" He pushed himself off the bed, arms crossed over his chest as he looked around the room. Their room. He was almost lost. "I don't want to make white flags anymore. I don't want to paint. I don't want to clean. I want to kill." He started shaking.

Ludwig got up, wincing from the soreness. He hugged Feli. "You're not a monster. You've changed. I can't expect you to stay the same, but the changes don't alter my feeling. Feli, please...understand that no matter what happen, no matter how...I will always love you and I...can only hope that you feel the same way."

And Feli broke. He turned into Ludwig's chest and sobbed. He felt so warm and inviting, so comforting. He was happy with him. He cried and tried to talk, but all that came out were strange gurgles and muffled words.

Ludwig held Feli and carefully eased them to the bed, pulling Feli onto his lap. He stroked Feli's hair, speaking quiet words in German and Italian, hoping to calm him down, ease his pain, something.

When Feli was able to breath properly again, he looked up into the face that he loved so much. "I do… I love you…"

Ludwig softly kissed him. "Ich liebe dich."

Feli reached up and tangled his fingers in the blonde hair, examining Ludwig's face entirely before kissing him hard. It was a kiss full of desperation, passion, and love. When he managed to pull away for breath, he whispered, "I need you…"

Ludwig placed his hands on Feli's hips and studied his face. Feli needed this...needed this physical proof of their love. For Feli, he would do anything.

"Please…" He nipped at Ludwig's bottom lip before trailing a line of affectionate kisses up the blonde's jaw line. He was still shaking… Ludwig moaned low in his throat. He had been deprived too long of Feli, his touch, his lips, his presence. He ran his hands down Feli's back, slipping underneath Feli's shirt.

Feli gasped. His hands were cold... He arched his back into the bruised and battered torso, his fingers gripping the golden hair tighter. "Ludwig..."

Ludwig nipped at Feli's neck before finding that spot that always got a good reaction from him. He sucked at the skin, fingers moving to the buttons of Feli's shirt and quickly getting rid of the offending item.

Feli pushed Ludwig onto his back, panting as he kissed and pulled desperately at Ludwig's pants. "I love you…"

Ludwig flipped them. He pinned Feli's wrists above his head. "Please..." He kissed Feli hard, needy. He didn't want to rush this too much, but he couldn't refuse Feli. The Italian moaned low and pushed his hips up roughly, conceding to the hours of passion that then ensued. When they had both finished, Feli was a quivering, panting bundle of energy.

Ludwig brushed the sweaty strands of hair out of Feli's face. "You're beautiful."

Feli moved his head to push further into Ludwig's hand. "I love you." That was the only thing that seemed logical. The two changed and broken lovers, trying to console each other…

Ludwig kissed Feli gently. "Ich liebe dich, liebling."

* * *

R&R, if so inclined...


	10. A Brief Author's Note

-To All my Lovelies-

You need not worry. I have already started the sequel. It is this story, but from our poor Ludwig's point of view. All of his pain and all of the sacrifices he made for his brother will be revealed to you. I felt the need to give you this brief author's note because I had such an onslaught of reviews from this last chapter. There shall be an epilogue and then I shall post for you the link to the new story. Until the next time, my lovelies…

~_Marcella_~


	11. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

A/N: Well, this is the end my lovelies. I beg your forgiveness for not answering your individual reviews, but I feel as though saying goodbye is too hard. I hope to see you all again in the sequel, but for now, it is adieu. Look for the sequel, titled, How to Break a Man. Please, I beg you, do not hate me too much?

* * *

With every paint stroke, Feli's painting of their home seemed to become more and more realistic. He didn't hum, but he wasn't unhappy, either. In the years that had passed since the Russian Incident, life had gone back to as normal as it could be. They lived together again in Berlin. Feli cooked and cleaned and loved Ludwig with every fiber of his soul.

Ludwig sat in his office for hours and got up at early times and smiled more often. The only differences were that Feli didn't sing much anymore and Ludwig often had short depressive periods. But they were happy again because they were together.

The Italian took a step back, viewing his portrait. It depicted Ludwig, standing strong and smiling, the background showing a bright and shining Berlin reflecting the light of a red and purple sunset. Feliciano corrected things in his mind, criticizing small, insignificant details.

Ludwig walked into the bedroom carefully, juggling two bowls of soup. "Feli?" He looked up and froze. He was staring at a picture of himself. It looked exactly like him, down to the last blonde hair…

Feliciano turned around and set his paints down quietly, bouncing to the German and taking his bowl gratefully. Ludwig was still staring dumbstruck at the painting. "Thank you for dinner, Ludwig." He took a bite happily and looked up at his boyfriend, whose gaze was still trained on the masterpiece before him. "Ludwig?"

"I'd forgotten how beautiful your paintbrush could be." Feli just fidgeted, looking away. He still didn't like how his painting looked… Ludwig turned back to him. "It's wonderful, Feli." The Italian just shrugged. "You don't believe me?"

"It's alright… it's my first painting I've finished in a long time…" He walked to the bed and sat down, thinking. His boyfriend followed, sitting next to him slowly.

"That doesn't make it any less beautiful, Feliciano." Again, the Italian just shrugged, eating his soup. Ludwig opened his mouth to say more but a loud knock interrupted him. Someone was at their front door. He stood and set the bowl of soup on the bedside table. "I'll be right back." He leaned down and kissed the Italian's forehead before walking out of the room.

Feliciano looked up at his painting silently, unsure of what to think anymore. Ludwig ran down the stairs casually and walked to the door, the click of his shoes bouncing around the tall foyer. He opened the door, pulling it wide open. "Guten ta-" His eyes opened wide and he began to shake. He took a step back, fear filling his body.

Ludwig had left so long ago… Feliciano stood and walked out of his room, confusedly walking to the stairs. He saw Ludwig before he heard the voice. He was paler than normal and shaking. He was gripping the banister for support…

That was when he heard the Russian. He grabbed Excalibur from the wall and ran passed Ludwig, down a few steps, brandishing the sword and the tall figure below him. "Get out."

Ivan held his hands up in surrender. "Please, comrade, I only came to talk." The Russian sounded weak, almost on the verge of tears…

Feli lowered Excalibur, still clutching the hilt in his hands. "What do you want?" He didn't relax his defensive position, his muscles tensed and ready to attack at a moment's notice.

Ivan looked up at him with sorrowful and wide eyes, looking defeated. "To apologize."

Feliciano stared at him, unsure of what to do or say. He didn't trust Ivan, not for a second. Why would one of the strongest nations in the world come and apologize to the some of the weakest? "Go ahead then. But take a step closer and you might lose your feet." He gestured to Excalibur.

Ivan took a step back, watching the blade warily. "I have… had a lot of time to think about vhat happened… and I realized that I vas very childish and cruel." Ludwig visibly shuddered. Ivan dropped his hands desperately. "I… I am sorry. Truly."

Feliciano looked him over. He seemed… sincere, which startled him. A memory of violent purple eyes slowly faded from his mind, replaced with the wide and pleading eyes before him. He nodded curtly. "Thank you for your apology."

It was the silence of a graveyard. An apology accepted, but not forgiven. Feliciano stood tall and threatening, looking down on the broken Russian before him. Ivan seemed to crave their forgiveness… seemed to beg for it. But he said no more, he only allowed the silence between the three to increase.

After what seemed like hours, but was in truth only a few moments, Feliciano turned his back to the eyes that would no longer haunt his sleep. "Good day, Russia." He walked to Ludwig, looking up at the portrait. He listened to the footsteps leave his home. Listened to the door that seemed to close with all the strength of ten men. He listened to Ludwig's breathing return to normal.

"Are you alright?" He shifted his gaze to his boyfriend, who was straightening, releasing the banister.

Ludwig nodded curtly, still staring at the door. Feli walked slowly to Excalibur's box, returning the ancient sword to its resting place. He felt a hand on his waist and leaned back, trusting Ludwig to catch him. Which he did.

They stared at the sword together, silent for the time being. They never did end up forgiving Russia… nor did they hate him. They all lived close to each other, in mild hate. For you see, the three nations no longer possessed enough emotions to really exist. The three nations had no more emotions…


End file.
